Mothra Attacks

The Wendt's Family Bed

   I remember it all wrong about the manner in which we embraced co-sleeping when our first baby was born, but as per usual as a new parent I was a little bit sleep deprived. We both were. My son would not sleep if we laid him down in a crib. At. All. Someone had to be holding him and moving constantly. At that time we didn’t know the blissful joy of baby wearing and how good it is for mom, dad, AND baby. So it’d been days since we’d been home from the hospital (we were lucky enough, considering the number of hospital births that cascade as soon as the heart monitor is put on and end up in a C-Section, and had a healthy baby boy, no major interventions, not drug free) so we were sleep deprived to a level that surpassed the friendly introduction I received to USMC boot camp at MCRD San Diego. It had been especially difficult on my wife as nursing was much harder than I realized and Felix wanted it all the time.

 {Side note: Later after Felix had been nursing for 6 months our pediatrician told us he was only nursing for comfort at that point and Annie could wean him. First of all: shut up. Secondly the science doesn’t support that statement, you should know that, you’re a Doctor. And thirdly, SO WHAT IF SHE COMFORTS OUR BABY HERSELF INSTEAD OF PUTTING HIM IN A CRIB WITH A NOOK.}

Nursing Caz beachside, two years old. For COMFORT, and a whole lot more

     Any who, back to our story. I thought it was noon in the middle of the day when my wife was on the phone with someone from la leche and that saint said to her “You can sleep and nurse him in bed if you want and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise”. I use quotations but really as I said, I was sleep deprived and Annie says I have it all wrong so… After that we got much more sleep and nursing became easier. Everyone was comfortable, cozy, and content. As it’s meant to be from the days of the cave. It was so incredible all of us in bed together I hoped I’d be able to get maybe two years at best of my son co-sleeping with us.

     Here we are 8 years later and we still co-sleep. Often if someone feels cramped now that there are 5 of us and only a king size bed. Sometimes we separate from main base and my oldest and I adjourn to a full size. Sometimes I’ve been “lucky” enough to have all three want to sleep with me in the full and sadly, mama is all alone in the king. By herself.

South Haven

The Muffin Man

     This tale of comedy and woe takes place in one of those evenings where we were all in the king after an extremely hot day in the gorgeous tourist town of South Haven, (#puremichigan) on Lake Michigan’s Coast not too far from an infamous Capone hideout.  

Pippit!!??

Our Master Bedroom (calling it that makes it sound fancy, it’s the biggest room in an eleventyone year old house on the second floor and to put it in perspective the Master Bedrooms walk in closet is 19.5” x 72”. Things were cramped and we were all exhausted from a long joyful day at Lake Michigan.

Baths had been taken, teeth were being brushed, pajamas on. No books tonight we were so tired once lights went out we’d all be out.

We're gonna need a bigger boat

     While the kids were in the bathroom finishing up brushing their teeth and everything was going to happen, regenerating, relaxing, regular uninterrupted sleep, my wife and I were already in the covers (the MB has an in room portable AC and I like to sleep in an ice room under a bazillion blankets). Slumber at this point was more enticing than the possibility of sex nights that seldomly made the rotation, (except of course for our three year mating ritual).

Who's blue balls are these?

 and I was passing out when a GIANT moth flew in the room from somewhere, of course it flew up into the ceiling fan light and was trapped inside the glass.

     I begrudgingly got up out of bed and began to try and fish it out so I could catch and release it (in our house, that’s what the children understand happens when indoor bugs are caught up in a piece of toilet paper and goes to the “window “ (trashcan or toilet). I had no luck even though it was huge it managed to escape my meathooks which had trouble fitting in globe.

During the teeth brushing the kids came in and saw my engagement with Mothra and heard the deep base of his buzzing, saw the giant shadow of his girth and instinctively ran screaming . I exclaimed I was getting it out and taking it to the window. FINISH BRUSHING YOUR TEETH I immediately bellowed in a funny drill instructor tone to distract them from the terror that is Mothra.

     So, I began to unscrew the globe to get it out because I KNEW it would easily fly out as soon as the light was off.  My beloved said not to mess with it, it wouldn’t be a problem and I was going to wake up our youngest (who had already fallen asleep and wouldn’t have woken up if he was sprayed with ice water), if I continued to proceed. A mini contest of wills engaged about continuing and getting the moth out when I reiterated it would get out as SOON as lights were out. I saw what was going to happen clear as day in my head, but didn’t want to dig my feet in and I angrily hissed through my teeth concedingly “fine!!! When I do turn out the lights and it does come out I hope it flies right into your mouth and you swallow it!” I said spitefully, exhaustedly and utterly defeated.

   Mothra finally tired just as I laid down and ceased his infernal buzzing about. The kids came in and I reassured them it was 100% out of the room and we were safe in a manner my wife said sounded just like Jack Black and a used car salesman. I was so close to slumber. I didn’t care and I wanted to turn out the lights so Mothra would fly into my beloved wife’s mouth and I’d be right!!!!

So lights went out. All was quiet. Only the sounds of water washing onto the beach emanating from our sleepy sound generating alarm clock. I eagerly waited for Mothra to fly into my wifes mouth tingling with the excitement of a kid in bed on Christmas eve.

BOOOOOM. BUZZZZ> GULLLLLLLPPPPP> COUGH> GAGGING>

Exactly as I predicted the moth came out as soon as the light was off and flew into a mouth.

My mouth.


The Wendt Family Bed
This painting of us co-sleeping was inspired by a photo I shared on FB and my dear friend Gioia Albano was inspired to paint. Of course they'd all rolled over and the dad was on the floor. And as all good fathers should, I documented with photographs. Gigia was kind enough to paint me in, and with much more real estate than I am accustomed to having.