That time I was feloniously assaulted

I have anger issues. I’m a yeller. I hate how angry I get and so quickly now. I hate the tears I see well up when I go from mad to rageful. 

I hate being angry.

     Last summer I was diagnosed with PTSD stemming from the attack I describe below that took place August 16^th, the day of my 25^th high school reunion 2014, in front of my house. Since then I’ve been exploring why I am so angry and full of rage when I realized, while I have achieved rage status levels of anger in the months following the beating I took, it hasn’t been just since the attack. 

All my life I've had anger.

And I’ve come to the conclusion I want to explore where my anger comes from starting with my circumcision. I’m a little scared of where I’m going, and what may come out. Some of it may sound fantastic (and it is), I will face my fear, and you’re welcome to come along.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

All my life I've had anger.

For years I repeated the line "fear is the mind killer" when I wanted to inspire myself or others not to quit something or even try because of fear. I realized I've been focusing on the wrong line and doing so may have actually hurt me in a Dr. Wayne Dwyer kind of way, repeating it, reinforcing my fear rather than abating it. So I've shifted lines and the repetition focus will now be, " I MUST NOT FEAR" 

All my life I've had anger.


     

This morning after coming home from dropping off the kids at school (not the pool)  I shut off the old family wagon and opened the sliding door to get my birthday boy out of the car. As I leaned in to get Cazzies belt undone, I saw two white males approximately 20 years of age and homeless looking crossing the church parking lot adjacent to our house where I was parked. Two officers of the law were walking behind them swiftly as if trying to close the gap, but not running. Yet. 

I pulled back out of the van, left Caz buckled in his seat facing forward unable to see, and closed the sliding door. I shut my door, locked the van and stood outside to observe. The police caught up to the duo and asked something. One stopped and the other kept moving clearly not wanting to interact with the police. I heard the fella who turned to the police respond "I just live right there." He gestured to the apartment a crack whore lived in last summer (I say this because he smoked crack and was a prostitue) and the police left them alone, turned and walked back to their vehicle. The last time I saw the police interact with new neighbors as soon as I knew they lived there, this happened ( I'm home all the time and due to the PTSD I'm hyper vigilant, observant, and I watch the comings and goings at all times. Sometimes even walking the streets in the am. I didn't even see them move in, meaning they don't have a lot of belongings, which in the 10 years I've lived across from these two homes has been a pretty strong indicator of trouble.)

I will refer to this often on my journey as "THE ATTACK". I decided to finish this and get it out there. I MUST NOT FEAR.

All my life I've had anger.

What follows is my post on Facebook after everything had settled for a bit. I have left it as is, unedited. Please forgive the errors.

HERE IS THE LATEST NEWS FLASH FROM THE WEEKEND!!!!! 

My swollen face and head 

Yes, a new neighbor has brought an influx of felons. Two being arrested in two nights because of me. This morning there were fifteen on the porch drunk at 11:00 blaring hateful, racist, rap/hip-hop music (which I listen to on occasion). I walked across the street, introduced myself and calmly told them if my kids are out and they didn't turn it down I'd call the police. Yada, yada, radio is turned down I walk away. More talking behind me directed towards me so I turned around and said "what?" yada, yada, yada he pulled out a pocket knife opened it dropped it to his side and advanced towards me. 

The hand that blocks the knife gets cut

Years of rage about not being able to let my children play outside of our house, ever (last week a nine year old who was petting our new puppy punched my three year old in the face because she wanted to pet her as well) surged and took me to a level of rage I've never experienced. 

Small cut on my ankle

So as he stepped up to the curb towards me I sprung at him. I'm 250 and people are often surprised with my swiftness, I've lost seventy lbs and this time surprised myself this time moving faster than I had in years towards him filled with fury. I stunned him with my rush reached around the side and back of his head with my left arm choking him while I grabbed his wrist and bent it behind his back. I let go of his neck and reached over putting the knife forearm into a key lock stepped back applied pressure and yada yada the pavement was his enemy. 

no caption needed.

Then the fifteen people rushed me I got kicked three times by some large boot in the eye, back of the head, and behind one ear. [Editor's note, he cut my hand and foot as he came at me.]

But I never let go of the knife wrist and now it was time to fire and maneuver so I smashed his hand into the street he dropped the knife and I swept it away J.T. Kirk style.

Then I introduced his head to W Cedar St as forcefully as I could while at the same time fortuitously the other tenant and a friend came out and helped clear some people as I moved to a less populated area in my driveway. Annie De came out hearing the commotion and I told her to call nine one one and as she did so I grabbed my FUBAR to go finish the job. Annie thought better told me Black Widow style to put it down so I did. 

My level of fury had over come my rationale and if my Sweet hadn't been there... 

The police actually got here quite quickly for the numerous times I call every week from the guy across the street peeing in front of my kids, the fight across the street, the fight across the street I was in both resulted in felony arrests because both had warrants. These people JUST MOVED IN AND WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE INVITING TO HANG AROUND???!!! So once they were on scene I slowly burbled down and noticed I'd been sliced across two knuckles on one hand and one knuckle on the other as well as two cuts on one leg. They could all use a stitch or two in my estimation, plus I'm pretty sure I have a concussion along with my barely noticeable severe neck pain. 

Last year there was a stabbing in front of that house and a murder down the street. This year the guy not taking his meds has walked into multiple homes, urinated in front of my kids, starred at my wife and stood rocking in our driveway scarring her, preventing her from coming home because she's afraid finally got arrested for masturbating on a neighbors porch! He was on the street again by our house in two days. The dog fighting/training whatever it is that I put flyers up with a friend about the neighborhood being on to them. Someone was seen following the flyers going up and taking them down and it has caused a large amount of excess stress for Sweetums and myself for just about the entire summer. Oh! Oh! I can't forget the house that was dealing pills for ages finally got cleared up and was promptly filled with people the entire street knew were making meth. That house was just condemned on my street. Hooray I guess?

My kids can't go barefoot anywhere because there is glass all over the sidewalks everywhere and there is so much dog shit in every yard you can't not stop in it. Also I've found two heroin needles in the grass around our house. One in the new community garden down the street. A year ago I'd organized a playgroup with lots of kids both Felix and Eliza's age which is very hard for us to do. It's usually Felix's friends or Eliza's not both. During the play date I found a heroin needle in the grass and called the police to come and get it. No one came back.

I love living in the city and Vine is getting better and better every day and headed our way one day but my kids and my wife aren't safe now and I don't know what will happen the next time they're threatened.

Annie thinks Eliza saw me be caused she was huddled back in a corner inside the door as far back as she could get. And this is after last nights trauma Jose that kept her up till one am. I just don't know if I can go on waiting for this neighborhood to be what it's going to be and forgo my families safety. I think I have a concussion but it was good to see everyone. The class of 89's women are stunning and even Mr Perfect's company was pleasant.