Cannabalistic Humanoid Urban Dwellers, Mass shootings, and a Home birth

     I’ve committed myself to keeping up this blog and streadily write which has always been good for my soul. But I’ve also been stuck, you see I live in Kalamazoo. You probably forgot about Kalamazoo except that we were celery city at one point, but we live just blocks from where the Uber shooter, who in between picking up fares, drove around, shot and killed people, picked up more fares, shot people, was arrested blocks from my house. My son and I were out that night during the time his heinous activity took place but we were thankfully completely unaware of the horror transpiring. My eight month pregnant wife was at home unaware as well thankfully. Another father and son on an outing were shot and killed that night shopping for a car. I imagine the dad breaking down the extent of his knowledge from years of buying cars, what to lookout for, but the son only saw sweet rims and the moon roof with a kick ass stereo. I hope they died quickly and didn’t …

I can’t finish that sentence.

     Other people from the Zoo have blogged about it better than I could and I want to write about something funny and then something about love. First I do want to say one thing about the shooting. Just days before, my friend Gioia Albano, an artist whose theme is motherhood and mothers love, families love, children, love, posted a piece she’d done entitled “always a goodnight kiss”. 

     I try to kiss my family and say I love you, every time I leave my wife or children to run an errand, because who knows. Maybe an Uber driver will go on a shooting spree while you are out buying Yugioh cards on a date night with your boy.

Kiss your children goodnight.

     So the something funny involves cannibalistic humanoid urban dwellers (we live in an urban area), and the love involves the homebirth of our fourth child, third at home, and the incredible experience it was.

     So, this one time, when we first moved to Kalamazoo and were still childless partiers, my wife and I and several new girl friends of  hers planned to visit a tattoo artist on a Saturday 10a when she had walk in hours. We were the first there, waiting for her at the door and we stayed all day until after 11p. Later we realized the shedding birds kept in her shop were not sanitary at all, and we didn’t go back.

     Awhile later my wife found a swollen lymph node and we went to the doctor who decided we should remove it. He did and told us the node was swollen from an allergic reaction to the ink the artist used and nothing life alteringly bad, so that was awesome.

During the procedure I thought someone was going by with some taco bell, then I thought they must be eating it right outside the room it smelled so good. Then my wife said “do you smell taco bell?”

I do I said.

“Lets get some after” she said.

Okay I said, as it was lunch time.

     The Dr. continued the procedure and without looking up said that’s your flesh, I’m cauterizing it now. We were shocked and disgusted. How could we love the smell of human flesh on the barbie?Were we doomed to become wendigo’s?

     After the procedure, as we walked out we continued to express our shock at our enjoyment delicious aroma of Annie’s cooking thigh meat (is human thigh meat white, or dark?). She was tired and needed to rest so we headed home (where we took an uninterrupted nap with each other and no one kicking us in uncomfortable body zones repeatedly, or putting their tiny little feet in my pants because it's warm.). Before the nap however I realized we needed to eat and just then I saw a Taco Bell and quickly cut over to the right from the left lane so I could turn into its drive and go through the drive through.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!” my wife exclaimed thoroughly disgusted shocked and expressing a little trepidation.

I'm getting some lunch I said. I’m hungry.

“Okay, me too, “ she responded, “I’ll take a beef burrito.”

  

   Tune in next week when I talk about our fourth baby’s arrival via our third homebirth and the awesomely incredible addition to our Mob, little girl Mairead Lenore. 17.5 hours of labor, 6.5 looonnnng active, only two weeks after Annie fell, got a concussion and sent the baby breech.

Mairead was born in the caul and came out kind of sideways. It was a fierce and awe inspiring event to see my wife work so hard to deliver our little angel.